The Secret That's Fracturing Me
by Halawen
Summary: Clare is starting her senior year, she's going to be student council Vice President and she's happily in love with her boyfriend. Things couldn't be better for her but one person doesn't think she deserves so much happiness and he's determined to take every bit of happiness away from her with his demented games. If he destroys her life can anyone help her put it back together?
1. I Think I'm Gonna Crack

**Welcome to my new short story, this one will probably have 3-4 chapters. I'm starting another short story on Sunday as well. Five short stories at a time and they will all get updated once a month. And I'll try and think of a way to let you guys know the schedule.**

**Anyway back to the story. So it always bugged me that they never resolved the whole Asher thing. Clare only says she's going to the cops they never tell us what happened and so I was very very very annoyed at the writers when I plotted this.**

**I own nothing but the idea.**

**This story is A/U. **

**Eli and Clare got back together at prom but she did not have cancer.**

**Alli graduated & Clare went to Paris instead of Alli. Imogen graduated but Dallas failed.**

**Adam is not dead and will not die.**

**Ch. 1 I Think I'm Gonna Crack**

**(CLARE)**

I felt so good being here, I was being wooed by Universities and my senior year of high school didn't even start until tomorrow. Okay so this was the University of Toronto and not Columbia but none the less they had contacted me and sent me an invitation to their alumni gala tonight. I'd already talked to a number of professors who were impressed by my academic record and accomplishments. Before dinner I'd gotten a private tour of the campus, well semi-private there were three other high school students with me, from the dean himself. Now we were all mingling in the ballroom, enjoying drinks and talking about my potential at the school.

Every tenured professor and most of the notable alumni's were at this party. I'd spoken to just about everyone here already and while I still had my heart set on Columbia I was enjoying the star treatment for a night. Currently I was speaking with Professor William Ryder Dean of the journalism department. Yes I still wanted to be a journalist, Asher had not managed to kill my dream, he'd tainted it a little but even after the case got thrown out I still wanted to be journalist. Turns out mine and Jennifer's testimony alone were not enough for a case. Even though the case never even got close to trial Asher still got fired and his reputation had been ruined and that had a certain satisfaction in it. As there had never been a case there wasn't really any publicity but there had been some after Asher was fired and speculation as to why. Thankfully though Jennifer and I had been kept out of the public eye, but she still took a job with the Ottawa Citizen when they offered her a job six months ago, and I hadn't really talked to her since she moved.

"Excuse me I'm going to go use the washroom," I say when Dean Ryder is done telling me about his writing workshop this semester.

"Of course," he smiles.

I set my glass of wine down on a nearby table, marking the glass with my lipstick so I know which glass is mine. I was still two years under the legal drinking age but the University was the one giving me and the other students wine because they wanted us to be happy. I already knew I was a light weight thought so I had been slowly nursing my wine and was only on my second glass in three hours. I use the washroom, find my wine again and one of the male students who was on the tour with me strikes up a conversation. I only have a few sips of wine left so I finish it while he's talking to me, mostly because he won't let me talk. He's still telling me about how he's the smartest person in his school when I start to feel very hot and slightly dizzy. I believe I drank the last bit of wine too fast.

"I'm going to get some air," I tell the boy.

He just nods and starts talking to someone else. I hand my empty glass to a passing waiter and start making my way outside. The room starts to blur, I'm feeling very strange, maybe I ate something bad. When I get outside I lean against one of the pillars, before trying to sit on a step but then there are a pair of hands on my waist.

"I think we should get you home," it's a male voice but it's fuzzy, sort of like they're talking under water.

I try to speak but I don't seem to be making any sounds. I feel the guy lift me up and start carrying me to a car; I took a taxi so it must be his car. I can hardly see anything, most of the world is black and fuzzy, it feels like I'm in a dream sort of. I'm very numb and none of my senses seem to be working right. The guy buckles me in and closes the door, I start giggling for no reason as he starts driving. We reach an apartment building, I don't live in an apartment building but instead of telling him this I just start giggling again. He carries me inside and sets me on a bed as I hear a beep like something just got turned on.

"Undress," he tells me.

I barely hear the words and I try to lift my arms to unzip my dress but nothing seems to be working. He gets behind me and starts unzipping my dress for me, he gets really close to me, turning my head and kissing my shoulder. I feel all of this but I don't, I still feel like I'm in a dream and none of this feels real, my mind is so jumbled I have no idea what's going on and I keep giggling.

"Smile for the camera Clare," he says and then I'm laid back on the bed, his lips connect to mine and then there's only dark…

I wake up shivering and hearing the sounds of squirrels running on a tree. My head feels fuzzy, my body aches and tingles. My eyes open slowly and immediately close again when I'm greeted by the bright early morning September sun. I groan and roll my head, wood pressing against my skull causing me pain and I stop. It occurs to me suddenly that I'm outside, I roll slightly and manage to sit up, opening my eyes a bit and find that I'm at home on the deck in the backyard. The last thing I remember is being at the alumni gala and talking with that pompous boy, or rather having him talk at me and then…I don't remember a thing until waking up on the deck!

No one is home because Glen and Mom are in Vancouver visiting Jake and then they're driving down the coast for an anniversary vacation and won't be back for another two and half weeks. I start to panic about all the possibilities of what could have happened last night; my mind racing with a zillion terrible possibilities and my heart starts pounding.

"Get a hold of yourself Clare! You probably drank the wine too fast, got tipsy and called a cab," I scold myself aloud, so that I'll calm down. "And was so tired I fell asleep on the deck when I couldn't get my keys in the lock," I rationalize to myself slowly trying to explain everything.

There is an odd feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me something just isn't right. However I ignore it and just keep telling myself I drank more than I think I did and fell asleep on the deck. The alarm on my phone goes off and I see that I have my purse and everything in it. I turn off the alarm but that means it's time to get ready for school and my first day as a senior as well as student council VP. I brace my hands on the deck and push myself up, whimpering in pain as the movements cause several sharp pains to shoot through my abdomen and my pubic area starts to burn. I suddenly feel sick to my stomach and vomit over the side of the deck into Mom's rose bushes.

My body starts shaking for no explicable reason and I feel tears at my eyes. I take a deep breath and repeat again and again that I just drank too much. By the time I manage to get inside and in the shower I've convinced myself that I have a bad hangover, the food and wine did not mix well and that's all that's wrong. I simply refuse to entertain any other possibility; I had a wonderful night and just can't hold my alcohol. I shower quickly and I'm no longer shaking, I still don't feel great but I don't feel quite so terrible. I dress in a navy skirt, white blouse and navy blazer, a little dressy but student council is holding an assembly to welcome everyone to the new year. I'm not hungry so I don't bother eating and walk very slowly to school.

**(ADAM)**

The back stage door of the auditorium opens and Clare comes in looking just a little haggard.

"Veep you're almost late," Drew scolds her and she hardly looks at us as she walks past us to the stage.

"Sorry," she apologizes walking to the edge of the stage.

"Hey are you okay?" I question catching her arm.

"I'm fine, just didn't get much sleep last night," she responds giving me a half smile.

"Oh yeah how was the party?" I ask as Jenna and Connor join us.

"It was great, I had fun, there were a lot of people there," Clare tells me.

Her smile forces itself a little bigger and she's giving me one of her looks that says she doesn't want to talk about it so I drop it. Drew gives me a look nodding toward Clare, his way of silently asking what's up, and I shrug.

"Everyone's in and seated take it away Mr. President," Simpson says peeking backstage.

Drew goes on stage and welcomes everyone to new school year, then he introduces Dallas as Sports Rep, Jenna as Secretary, Connor as Treasurer and then me as Social Chair. Last is Clare as VP and she comes out smiling wide and looking like nothing at all is the matter. Drew introduces himself last and tells the students what they can look forward to this year. By the end of the assembly Clare seems to be in a brighter mood and doesn't look so tired, but when she goes down the stairs I notice that she's moving pretty slow.

"Are you sure you're okay? Did something happen at the party?" I inquire.

"I'm fine Adam," she snaps at me loud and sharp enough to make Dallas, Connor, Jenna and Drew look at us. "Sorry I'm just really tired I really didn't sleep well," she apologizes.

"It's okay, come on we both have Studies in Literature this period," I tell her putting an arm gently around her shoulders and walking her away from the crowd.

We stop by our lockers first and she seems okay again but I am worried. She makes it through both of her morning classes just fine but I'm still glad I have both classes with her so I can keep an eye on her. We eat lunch with the rest of student council in the student council office and Clare seems almost normal, at least she's not snapping at people but she's still moving slow, like she's hurting.

"Okay what's wrong with Clare?" Drew questions when we're paired together in chemistry next period.

"She says she's just tired," I reply lighting the Bunsen burner.

"I know what she says but she's moving funny and looks…spaced or something," Drew says.

"I don't know maybe she misses Eli," I shrug and Drew gives me a look. "Contrary to what you think I can't actually read her mind. I don't know I wish I did but she insists everything is fine and I haven't seen her like this except for…" I freeze and look over at Clare who's working with Becky.

"Except for what Adam?" Drew inquires hitting my arm

I lower my head and motion for Drew to lean in too and he does. "Last year around her birthday she was acting a lot like this, I mean without looking like she was in pain," I enlighten my brother. He had dropped out and wasn't here at that point, and he didn't really know Clare other than being my friend, so he wasn't paying attention to her life. "I didn't find out until a few months ago but her co-op mentor sexually assaulted her, kissed her and tried to assault her in his car and she didn't tell us."

Now Drew's looking at Clare differently, the look he has on his face is the one he gets with me when he's worried and trying to protect me. Both he and Clare have a spare period next and I know they were going to the student council office to work on some stuff, so I know Drew will keep an eye on her. When the bell rings I tell them I'll see them after school for the meeting and head for my geography class, confident that Clare is in good hands with my brother.

**(CLARE)**

"We should schedule a dance for November, after Halloween and before winter break," I tell Drew looking at the calendar, we've been in the student council office for 45 minutes and school was almost out but we had a student council meeting after school.

"Adam's social chair, he can schedule it, Connor made a budget and Dallas is getting together a calendar for sports events until winter break. We should have a dance this month, welcome all the new kids maybe a beach party theme," Drew suggests.

"Sure let's bring it up to Adam," I comment as the bell rings and as soon as the bell rings so does my phone. I pull it from book bag and don't recognize the number but it's a Toronto number so I answer, "Hello?"

"Meet me I know school is out."

The sound of Asher's voice sends a chill up my spine, my body goes stiff and my jaw clenches.

"Go to hell!" I say sharply and hang up Drew is giving me a concerned look.

"Who was that?" Drew asks.

"Telemarketer," I respond but I get a flash of Asher's face in my mind and I shiver.

"Clare I've never even heard you utter a swear word before just now so who was it really?" Drew questions.

"Someone I didn't want to talk to can we drop it now?" I question as the door opens and Dallas comes in with Adam.

Jenna and Connor follow close behind and I call the meeting to order before Drew can ask any more questions. We're in the meeting for just over an hour, Connor leaves with Jenna to walk her home and short cut through the park so they can make out. I walk out with the brothers and Dallas, we get down the steps and they turn to go to the parking lot.

"You want a ride Clare?" Drew offers.

"Sure thanks," I nod.

The four of us walk to Drew's car and I'm given the front seat. My house is just a couple blocks down so it only takes a minute to get there. I thank Drew for the ride, wave to Dallas and Adam and go to my front door. The house is quiet of course and I lock the front door before going up to my room to do homework. Turning on my laptop while I get stuff out of my bag, I open my e-mail and see an e-mail from an address I don't recognize. Given the call I got today instinct tells me that the address is Asher's but curiosity gets the better of me and I open it. There's no body of text just a video attachment and against my better judgment I click on the video.

It's me on a bed, the night of the alumni party; my dress is unzipped and pulled down. A man is kissing me, you can't see his face, he's not looking at the camera but I know it's Asher! The truly sickening fact in this video is that I'm smiling! My eyes are closed and you could almost argue that I'm sleeping except that I am smiling! I don't remember any of this; I don't remember being in his apartment or even seeing him that night. The videos only five seconds long and that's all that's on it but I feel like vomiting and burning off any skin he touched. I watch the video again trying to find how he altered it, that can't be me I don't remember this!

The third time I watch it I get a flash of a memory, Asher's face as he talks to me but I can't make out the words and the memory fades. Then a new one comes, Asher putting me in a car, then a memory of Asher carrying me to a door. All of them fast fractured flashes of memory, I try to fit the pieces together but I don't know how they fit together and so much of it is still not there, it's like being given a 1000 piece puzzle with only three pieces in the box and trying to make a whole picture out of them. My body starts shaking and I suddenly feel sick, a myriad of horrid possibilities flashes through my mind. The pain I was feeling this morning comes back in a torrent and I jump up running to the washroom and throwing up! I rinse my mouth and make it back to my room, tears are streaming down my face and I'm so terrified at what might have happened last night. My chest is tight, my heart pounding, my breathing reduced to quick terrified shallow breaths and I pick up my phone. I'm ready to called Adam when my phone rings again, it's the same number as last night and I know it's Asher, I answer because I'm more afraid not to.

"He…hello," I'm barely able to get the word out I'm shaking so much.

"Meet with me now or I'll send the video to your boyfriend. I'm sure Eli would love to see it," Asher taunts.

"No you can't, I'll go to the cops, show them the video," I reply tightening my jaw and fist as anger begins to take over the fear.

"They'll never believe you and I already removed the video, besides even if they do see it all they will see is you enjoying yourself. And you came to my place willingly, I have witnesses at the University and my apartment building that saw nothing but a tipsy girl happily going into my apartment," he informs me.

"No I wouldn't, I didn't g…" I start but stop as I begin to remember bits and flashes that fit with the earlier ones. Asher catching me on the steps and saying he would take me home, him carrying me into his apartment and me giggling, a lot of giggling. "I was drugged, it wasn't willingly I was drugged," I say softly.

"The drug is no longer in your system and all anyone will remember is that you were tipsy. Now are you going to come and meet me or should I send the extended video to your boyfriend with the aspirations of film making?" Asher asks in a taunting tone.

"Okay, I'll…I'll meet you," I say quietly.

I don't know what else to do Asher's right the cops probably won't believe me and the case against him was thrown out. If I go to the cops and try and tell them this they'll probably think I'm crazy. I already have two incidents of bringing "false accusations" against Asher. They weren't fake but it doesn't matter nothing ever came of them so they are classified as false on my part. If I do it again I could be accused of stalking Asher, or accused of harassing him again. If I wasn't so scared, if I had time to really process this logically then I would know that going to meet Asher alone is bad idea, that I should call Eli, or Dave's dad or at least Adam because that would be a sane, rational, logical thing to do. However at this moment I am not capable of sane, rational or logical thinking. I am only operating out of fear right now, I can't think about anything beyond the fact that Asher just asked me to meet him at his apartment, and I have no choice but to go.

**(ASHER)**

I wait impatiently for Clare to arrive, there is a small chance that she actually went to the cops and they'll show up instead. Doesn't matter though I'm not just acting on impulse here, this plan was carefully thought out. I spent months crafting it just right and waiting for the perfect opportunity. One that presented itself when I knew she'd be going to the alumni gala last night and I put everything into motion. Jennifer and Clare had the gall to press charges, the case had been thrown out, I was never even formerly charged but it lost me my reputation, my job and my family for good. After rumor got out that I'd been questioned for sexual harassment I couldn't get work at another paper and had to work as a freelance writer now. I still had powerful friends and a few connections though and I was going to put them to good use.

Finally there's a knock at the door and I open it grinning at Clare and taking pleasure in how very petrified she looks.

"Come in Clare," I say stepping aside so she can come in.

"What am I doing here?" She questions through clenched teeth trying not to show her fear but I see it and am enjoying it.

"I was fired, my reputation ruined," I inform her.

"You assaulted me! You sexually harassed me! You deserve what you got," she barks and tries to leave but I stop her.

"You ruined my life now I think I deserve something for my trouble," I respond pulling her back by her arm.

"What the hell are you talking about?" She asks with clenched teeth.

"Break up with Eli," I tell her.

"You're crazy I'm not breaking up with Eli I love him," She replies.

"Break up with Eli or I'll use my connections at NYU to get him thrown out and ruin his aspirations," I tell her.

"Even you can't do that! I'm going home! Stay away from me, leave me alone! You're insane!" She screams at me, yanks her arm back and runs out of my apartment.

She'll be back though, she just needs a little incentive and to know that I mean business. So I get my phone and send her a text telling her that she has 24 hours or things will become much worse. Then I call a friend of mine at NYU and ask him for a favor.

**(CLARE)**

I run from Asher's apartment and back to the car, I feel sick just having talked to him. Enraged that he would even ask me to do such a thing and terrified of what he might do. He sends me a text and tells me I have 24 hours or he'll make things worse. The thought of what he could mean by worse has me shivering. I drive home upset and agitated, barely able to make it home or get my key in the lock. I run up to my room and curl up on the bed, I cry for a few minutes and then takes some deep breaths to calm down. It takes a time but I gather myself enough to talk and call Eli.

"Hey how was your first day of school and first day as VP?" He asks.

"It was fine, good I mean; Drew's not such a bad president. When do you move into your dorm?" I ask him.

"Tomorrow, I got the building and my room number today. You okay you sound kind of upset?" Eli questions.

"Yeah I just miss you, you left so early this summer and I was in Paris, I haven't seen you for two whole months," I reply.

"I know I'm sorry but you know I couldn't pass up the opportunity to work on Brett Barnett's movie. I'll be home at Thanksgiving, it's not that far away," Eli says trying to sound optimistic.

"No you had take that opportunity, you would have hated yourself if you didn't and me too. I just wish you were here to hold me," I tell him almost under my breath but he hears me.

"Clare what happened?" He asks with a worried tone.

I want to tell him, I want to tell him everything and have him come home to hold me and fix this. God how terribly selfish and dependent does that sound? I can't tell him, I won't, I'm not going to stress Eli out and he'll feel like he needs to come home to save me. No I can handle this, I'm not going to worry Eli and Asher was just making threats, I just need to show that he can't scare me.

"Nothing, just been home alone too long, I'm hearing noises outside and they're freaking me out," I lie.

"Why don't you have Jenna come over or sleep at the Bhandari house?" Eli suggests.

"She's already sleeping at Becky's tonight," I reply.

"Then call…" Eli pauses for a second, "you need more girl friends, or gay guy friends. Maybe you should make friends with Tris," Eli jokes.

"I think I'll call Adam, maybe I can sleep over or he can sleep here," I reply.

"Adam's not gay but he does think of you like a sister or something so that works too. But he should probably sleep there, Drew and Dallas are at his house," Eli comments and I can hear the distasteful look he gets on his face at the thought that I might be sleeping in a house with Drew and Dallas.

"Eli! Drew is engaged and Dallas made one pass at me while I was tipsy I think I'll be okay," I admonish him.

"I'm joking, call Adam I'll talk to you tomorrow after I move into the dorm. I love you," Eli says.

"I love you too, talk to you tomorrow," I reply and hang up then immediately call Adam.

"Hey what's up?" Adam asks when he answers.

"Getting a little freaked out being home alone so long I guess. I'd call Jenna but she's already sleeping at Becky's," I tell him.

"Hang on," Adam says into the phone and I hear him running on stairs so he's either going up from the basement or down from his room. "Hey Mom Clare's parents are still out of town and she's getting freaked out can she sleep over? She can take my room," Adam requests.

"Sure honey," Audra replies.

"I'll come get you," Adam says into the phone and we hang up.

I pack a bag quickly and grab my backpack, lock up my house and when Adam rings the doorbell I go out and lock my front door.

"I'm surprised your mom went away for three weeks and just left you," Adam comments as we start driving back to his place.

"I'm seventeen Adam," I respond.

"Yeah I know and you were fine last week so you going to tell me what happened? You've been…off all day," Adam comments.

"I told you I'm just tired," I respond.

Not sure he believes me but he does stop asking questions. When we get to his place there's an extra car parked outside, Adam must see me looking at it and trying to figure out who the car belongs to.

"Owen's hanging out with Drew and Dallas," Adam explains and I nod. We go in through the basement and the guys look over at us eyeing the bag in my hand. "Clare's sleeping over," Adam informs them.

"I knew something was bugging you, who really called you this afternoon?" Drew inquires.

"What phone call?" Adam questions.

"I told you it was a wrong number," I snap at Drew without meaning to but my nerves are a little raw at this point.

"No you said it was a telemarketer," Drew says giving me a worried look and now they're all looking at me with concern.

"Whatever I barely slept last night I'm just tired guys," I tell them sounding as convincing as I can.

"Have you eaten? Mom made orange glazed chicken with sweet potatoes and salad," Adam offers.

"Food would be good, I haven't eaten much today," I reply.

"I'll get you a plate," Adam says and goes up the stairs.

I set my bag down and sit on the end of the sofa about a foot from Owen. I watch them play games for a minute and then my phone rings. I'm afraid it's Asher again but it's just Eli.

"Hi Eli," I answer with a happier tone than I had earlier, for some reason Owen rolls his eyes when I say Eli's name.

"Hey just calling to see how you are, you sound better," Eli says.

"I'm at Adam's, I'm sleeping over and it's a full house so I won't get scared by anything," I tell him.

"I'm sleeping over too," Owen says loudly.

"Who was that?" Eli asks.

"That was Owen, I'll be fine, Adam's giving me his room," I inform my boyfriend as I can just imagine what's going through his mind.

"Okay, call you tomorrow," Eli says and hangs up.

Adam comes down with food for me and I eat with the guys, then I take a shower and do my homework in the basement with everyone just to be safe. When I'm done with my homework I go to bed, Adam changes the sheets on his bed for me, he takes a pillow and blanket then says goodnight. I sleep fitfully all night long and have a terrible dream where Asher is using me as a human marionette and laughing. I'm woken from the dream by my phone ringing, I pick my phone up and look at the display, it's Eli calling but it's just after 5am why is he calling so early.

"Eli? What's wrong?" I question with a sleepy yawn, certain that the only reason he'd be calling me at this hour is if something was wrong.

"The housing office called and said I lost my placement in the dorms," he says angrily and he's practically yelling. "Then the board of admissions called to tell me there's a problem with my transcripts and I'm going to lose my spot and be put on the waitlist!"

"What?!" I exclaim sitting up rapidly.

"Guess you'll see me after all because I'm coming home," Eli growls.

"_Asher did this, I can fix this," _I think to myself as Eli rants a bit more. "Eli I know you're upset but I'm sure it's just a computer glitch. Just try and calm down, I'm sure they'll call back and tell you that it's been fixed," I try and reassure my boyfriend.

"It better be, I can't afford an apartment but I guess it won't matter if I've lost my spot because I may never be let back in. I don't know I'm going to do Clare," Eli sighs.

"Just breathe Eli I'm sure it will work out," I tell him and then under my breath, "I'll fix this."

"Yeah you're probably right, sorry I woke you," he apologizes.

"It's okay I know you were upset," I tell him.

"Get back to sleep Clare I'll call you later," Eli says and hangs up.

I get up and quickly get dressed, grab my stuff and tiptoe downstairs, leaving as quietly as possible through the front door. When I'm outside I sit on the front step and call Asher.

"I don't know what you did but please fix it, don't let Eli lose his dream," I beg him when he picks up.

"I'll fix it but you have to break up with him," Asher tells me.

I grind my teeth, tears gathering at the corners of my eyes. "Yes anything please just fix this," I plead with him.

"Where are you I'll pick you up, I want to hear you break up with him," Asher tells me.

"Fix whatever you did first," I assert.

"Hang on," Asher tells me and puts me on hold, he comes back on a few minutes later. "You should be getting a call in a few minutes, call me back when you do."

Asher hangs up and I wait, sure enough Eli calls just a couple minutes later.

"Hey sorry to wake you again but I just wanted you to know that I got a call from the admissions board. They said it was a computer error and they'd clear it up with student housing, everything is fine now you were right. I feel really bad for waking you up and yelling," Eli apologizes.

"It's okay I know how scary and upsetting that must have been, I'm glad everything is fixed now," I say trying to sound happy.

"I have to go I have so much to do but I'll call you later," he tells me.

"Okay talk to you later Eli," I say and hang up. As soon as I'm off the phone Asher calls back. "I can't break up with him right now he was already stressed, I'll do it this evening," I tell Asher.

"Fine, where are you I'm coming to get you so I can tell you how things will be from now on," he informs me.

My stomach sinks, my chest gets tight and my heart begins pounding. I give him Adam's address and he tells me he'll be here in ten minutes. I quietly go back in and start writing a note for Audra that I went to school early.

"What are you doing up?" Owen inquires and his sudden voice makes me jump.

"I have to do something," I reply finishing the note and posting it to the fridge.

"You want a lift it's kind of early to be walking?" Owen offers.

"Have a ride thanks," I tell him walking for the door.

"Where are you going so early?" Owen asks.

"None of your business," I respond and leave through the door.

Owen follows me to the door but doesn't come out since he's only wearing boxers. Asher pulls up a few minutes later and I get in his car.

"CLARE!" Owen calls after me running from the house but Asher is already driving away.

"I'll break up with Eli tonight I already told you, what more could you possibly want?" I ask him.

"Oh so much more Clare," he says with an evil grin and I become certain that Asher is the devil.

"What does it matter to you if I'm dating Eli or not anyway? You didn't care when you kissed me or when you tried to assault me in your car," I point out.

"You won't completely belong to me until you break up with Eli," Asher responds and I'm certain that I can see horns on his head in the rearview mirror.

"I will never belong to you, I still love Eli, my heart will never belong to you!" I bark back at him cross my arms.

"It's not your heart I care to possess," Asher informs me.

I catch a sharp breath in my throat, my heart getting tight and pounding hard, my legs clamping together as I realize what he does want to possess!

**Update Friday February 21****st**** from right about here, with possibly some more Asher pov and some Owen. **


	2. I Feed on the Fear that's Behind Your Ey

**Warning! This chapter is intense and contains possible triggers.**

**Ch.2 I Feed on the Fear that's Behind Your Eyes**

**(CLARE)**

Asher unlocks the door to his apartment and we go in, he takes me to his bedroom and I'm overcome by a sick feeling. Flashes of memory from the other night hit me in waves, I shut my eyes tight holding my hand to my head and trying to make them go away.

"Call him, break up with him," Asher prods when I don't move for a minute.

"If all you want is my body then why do I have to break up with Eli?" I question, spitting each word out with venom oozing in it.

"I want more than just your body, you took everything from me and now I'll take everything from you. I also know you will never cheat on Eli so you have to break up with him," Asher replies in a disgustingly self-righteous tone.

He takes my purse from me and pulls out my phone handing it to me when I still don't move. I reluctantly take the phone, I don't want to breakup with Eli but what choice do I have? He's already proven he can get Eli kicked out and I can't let that happen, losing NYU would destroy Eli and I love him too much to sacrifice him for me. With my hands shaking so vigorously I can hardly hold the phone I unwillingly find Eli's name and click on it. I hold it to my ear; tears slip from the corners of my eyes and slowly crawl down my cheeks. With every ring I take a deep shuddering breath, feeling a lump in my throat and my chest get tight, praying that he won't answer or that Asher will change his mind.

"Hey Blue Eyes, I'm just heading to breakfast what's up?" He asks.

"We…," I falter hardly ably to get the words out, I take a deep breath, clear my throat and start again forcing the words out quickly, "we have to break up."

"What?" Eli breathes in a devastated exhale; I can hear all the breath leaving his body even over the phone.

I shut my eyes, wiping the tears so that I can see, covering the mouth piece with my hand as I begin to sob so hard I can't breathe. Asher sits next to me, brushing a strand of hair from my face and I flinch from his touch.

"Do it," he whispers in my ear, his hot reviling breath drifting across my neck makes my skin crawl and my stomach churn. "Do it now, end it fast and turn off your phone or I make another call," he threatens.

My heart starts pounding, my lips trembling; I take a deep breath gripping the phone tightly as though I were holding Eli's hand.

"Clare why?" Eli questions in a pleading yet agonized tone.

"I…I can't do long distance it's too hard I'm sorry Eli but we're through," each word has to be pushed off my tongue because it doesn't want to be said. My lie stabbing at me for causing Eli pain and my heart breaking, I hang up and quickly turn off my phone so he can't call back, if I hear his voice I'll take it all back. I wish desperately that he was here to hold me. I throw down my phone and burst into angry distraught tears, I feel terrible, my body is shaking my head hurts, my heart feels strained yet it's pounding.

"Good girl," Asher says and though I'm not looking at him I can hear the smile on his lips.

He caresses the back of my neck, his touch turning my hurt and sorrow into explosive anger. I leap up and out of his reach, looking at him with narrowed eyes, my whole body red with ire and rage.

"DON'T TOUCH ME! I BROKE UP WITH ELI YOU GOT YOUR WISH NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!" I scream at him and turn to walk out but he's faster, reaching the bedroom door and slamming it shut.

"I told you already I want to take everything from you, the way you took everything from me, Eli was only the start. Undress," he demands but I'm still fired by rage and adrenaline.

"Go to hell!" I spit at him and bringing up my knee connect it to his groin.

He makes a strangled cry, his knees buckling, he starts to sink to the ground but he's still blocking the door. I try to open it but his weight is still against it, I run to the window looking down and the street and wondering if I could survive the jump when I'm suddenly grabbed by the back of the neck and tossed on the bed!

"You stupid girl! I guess you need a little more motivation," he growls taking out his phone, for a second I'm frozen, recovering from the violent toss onto the bed. Asher gets out his phone and I move trying to get up and to the door, I just want to be away from him. "Hi Charlie…when you get into work can you look at the contracting license for Glen Martin of Martin Construction…yes I have information to show that they were forged and therefor invalid," Asher says into the phone with a malevolently confident tone and I freeze.

"You're bluffing," I challenge.

"Not at all," Asher says covering the mouthpiece, "I forged documents showing that your stepfather bribed a now shamed city official into giving him a contracting license. It will pass scrutiny and they'll have to conduct an investigation, even if he's found innocent the investigation will take months and he won't be allowed to work in that time. Not to mention what the publicity will do to his business and your family."

I swallow hard, shutting my eyes as they fill with tears again, my heart sinks and I suddenly feel claustrophobic. I'm trapped, either I give into Asher and save everyone I love or care about, or I run and my life is ruined anyway. If I run and he destroys everyone then I have to watch everyone around me falling to pieces and having their lives fractured by Asher's deceits and know that I could have prevented it.

"Stop, I'll do anything just leave everyone else alone," I plead with him, my voice remains steady but I'm breaking inside.

"Never mind Charlie…no I seem to be missing those papers now…yes of course if I find them I'll give you another call, no need to bother Mr. Martin until then…sure lunch next week sounds good, bye Charlie," Asher says into the phone and then hangs up. "That's better and now that you know what I'm capable of if you even try to defy me I expect there will be no more problems?" He states and I shake my head. "Good now here's how it's going to be, I own you, if I call you come and you do whatever I ask understood?" He asks and I nod, my eyes shut tight and I'm crying so hard my body is shaking; no longer able to stand I sink to the floor. "Excellent, I'm not stupid I won't call you while you're in school and late at night when your parents are home and no one can know any of this. Don't forget what I can do if you defy me."

I sit on the floor at the foot of the bed crying hard, shaking like mad and feeling horribly sick. Finding only a little solace in the fact that I saved Glen's job and our family, it gives me very little comfort though. Asher simply leaves me there and goes about his morning, making coffee and eating breakfast while I sit on his floor sobbing, I can't even imagine what he'll have me doing at the moment I'm lamenting the loss of my freedom, it's not as though I'm chained but Asher has imprisoned me and I'm certain that I have no choice. The cops won't believe me, even repeating it in my head it sounds outlandish and impossible. No one will believe me and if I try to tell anyone he'll destroy everything. After sometime my tears start to dry and I wipe my eyes.

"Clean yourself up you need to get to school," Asher says coming in and pulling me up. He hands me a tissue and I wipe my eyes. Splashing water on my face and running my fingers through my hair I look presentable for school. Asher has gathered my stuff and we go down to his car so he can take me to school. "After school, I expect you at my apartment within an hour of school getting out," he informs me when he stops the car a couple blocks from school.

"I have student council after school, I'm vice president I can't just skip student council," I point out my voice shaky slightly.

"When is it out?" He asks.

"I don't know takes more than an hour usually," I reply.

"I'll pick you up then, there's a Swiss Chalet restaurant a few blocks from here, call me when you're out and meet me there," he demands, I bite my lip and nod my stomach starts bubbling in disgust but I have no choice but to obey.

I get out of the car and start making my way to school going through the woods along the ravine. With each step I try and stop shaking, try to stop feeling sick but it doesn't work, before I'm able to make it out of the tree line I vomit. I actually feel a little better now, all the disgust that was building inside me coming out. Emerging from the tree line I make it as far as the first picnic table and sit down, my elbows in my lap, my head falling into my hands, I have no more tears at the moment but I'm not ready to face school just yet.

"Clare?" Adam's voice makes me look up. "Are you okay? Owen said you ran out early and got into a car with some guy he didn't recognize," Adam says as each Torres brother takes a seat on either side of me and Dallas sits on the bench facing me.

"I'm fine just tired, I didn't sleep and I was talking to Eli early this morning," I reply painting a smile on my lips.

"Whose car did you get into this morning?" Drew inquires.

"A fr…" I start to say friend but saying the word while talking about Asher just makes me feel like vomiting, "he knows my dad," I tell them and they all give me worried looks. "I should get inside I have student council stuff and homework," I say quickly and standing up even quicker.

Perhaps it's that I haven't eaten in 14 hours and barely slept, or maybe it's just everything that's happened in the last 30 hours or so, whatever the reason when I stand I get very dizzy, all the blood draining from my face and I start to fall to the ground as I begin to lose consciousness. I don't hit the ground as Drew, Dallas and Adam all reach for me at once, they catch me and the feel of their hands like a safety net keeps me from going entirely unconscious. I groan a little gripping Adam's shirt and Dallas' shoulder as I right myself with their help.

"Are you okay?" Adam asks.

"You don't look so hot, maybe you should go home," Dallas suggests.

"No!" I say quickly in a sharp tone thinking if Asher finds out I'm home alone he'll simply come over and who knows what he'll have me doing. "No I'm okay I just stood up too fast and I haven't eaten breakfast yet," I tell them.

"Okay let's get you some breakfast then," Drew says putting a hand at my back and we walk inside.

They all come with me to the caf and they all watch as I slowly eat a yogurt. Then they follow me to my locker, Jenna's at her locker with Becky and Luke.

"What's wrong? Why are you so pale?" Jenna asks.

"She almost passed out but we got some food in her," Adam assures her.

"You sure you're okay Clare?" Becky asks.

"I'm fine, I wish everyone would stop asking me that," I say on edge and everything grinding at my last nerve.

Everyone else walks away but Adam stays with me, we do have our first class together. He and most of my other friends look at me with concern all morning though.

**(OWEN)**

I parked at DeGrassi and went in just as the bell rang for lunch; I walk in since there's no officer at the door anymore, of course if anyone asks I'll say I'm here for my brother. Walking down the hall I find Adam and best of all Clare first, although Clare looks a little pallid and weary. She's looking ahead and should see me but it's like she's looking right through me, Adam sees me though.

"Don't you go to University now?" He questions and Clare finally looks at me, giving me a little smile.

"Yeah but all my friends aside from Bianca are still here and she's over an hour away, that's a little far to go for lunch," I comment.

"Hey Owen," Drew grins.

"Milligan, bummin' around your old high school," Dallas chides.

"Come on let's go eat at the Dot," I say.

"I'm not really hungry," Clare shakes her head.

"Yeah well you're eating," Adam tells her as both brothers put an arm around her forcing her to come.

We walk to the Dot since it's less than a block from school and push a couple of tables together. Connor, Jenna, Luke and Becky come in as we're ordering. Becky sits down next to Adam and Luke pulls over another table so he, Jenna and Connor can sit down. They order, our food is brought and we all start eating, all but Clare who picks at her fries. I'm talking to Drew when Adam's phone rings and I look up out of habit, Clare looks at the phone and then gets up.

"I have to use the washroom," she says quickly.

Adam gives her a quizzical look as she walks away and he answers his phone, when I hear him say hi to Eli through the phone I roll my eyes. I never liked Eli to be honest and I liked him even less after all the crap that he put Clare through last year and the year before. I think it was the beginning of last year that I realized I had a crush on her. Fitz was long gone and she was dating Jake again but he was also her stepbrother. I wanted to give her time after she broke up with Jake and adjusted to him being her stepbrother. Then I got caught up with the Ice Hounds and she got back together with Eli, then they broke up again but she was going through stuff including their breakup and his drug use, plus I was dealing with Cam's suicide and being there for my brother and Maya. In other words it's never been a good time to ask her out.

Adam gets a confused and worried look on his face and I look at him, so does Drew and Dallas, all of us listening to his side of the phone conversation. I could hear that he was angry but couldn't make out what he said.

"What? Why would she do that…when did she call…Owen said she ran out early this morning…I don't know…we found her at school when we arrived but she was upset. She swore she was fine but then almost passed out…I don't know she's been acting weird all morning…yeah I'll talk to her…I'll call you after student council," Adam says and hangs up.

"What's up?" Drew asks him.

"Clare broke up with Eli this morning, called him just before six and told him she wanted to break up. He said she was upset and crying but she still broke up with him," Adam tells us and hearing that Clare broke up with Eli attracts the attention of the others.

"When did she almost pass out?" I question.

"This morning when we found her, she stood up real fast and then nearly went unconscious. The three of us were there and we caught her but it was pretty scary, she went pale and then looked almost dead and dropped. If we hadn't been there she would have hit the ground," Dallas tells me.

"You ever figure out whose car she got into this morning?" I ask them.

"Not really, she started to say it was a friend then said it was someone that knows her dad," Adam tells me.

"Did you see the guy?" Drew questions.

"No just the back of his head," I reply.

"Shouldn't Clare be back from the washroom by now?" Becky asks and we suddenly realize she's been back there a long time.

"I'll go check on her," Jenna says getting up from the table.

"I'll go with you," Becky speaks up.

"She say anything to you when she left this morning?" Drew questions.

"Just that she had something to do and she had a ride but that was around five," I reply seeing Jenna and Becky come from the washrooms but Clare wasn't with them.

"Where's Clare?" I inquire.

"We don't know, she's not in the washroom or anywhere back there and she has a spare next period," Jenna tells me.

"Maybe she went back to school," Luke suggests.

"I'll call her phone," Adam says pressing a few buttons on the phone still in his hand, "her phone is off."

"I'm going to look for her," I tell them getting up.

"Me too," Adam speaks up.

Everyone gets up from the table, all of our lunches half eaten. We go to the school first as it's the most logical place for her to be. We split up, Adam heads toward her locker, Drew heads for student council office and I look around at all the back doors and hiding places. After checking the electrical room my cell rings, it's Drew.

"We found her," he says when I answer.

"Where?"

"Library," he says, "we're all headed to her locker now."

I hang up and head to her locker as well, she's there putting away books when I get there, everyone else is with her and Adam is talking to her.

"…he said he almost got kicked out of NYU then it was fixed and then you called to break up with him."

"I just didn't want to do the long distance thing anymore," she says almost snapping at her best friend.

"But Clare…"

"JUST DROP IT ADAM!" She screams at him and everyone goes silent. She sighs deeply and closes her eyes a minute. "I'm sorry Adam I just don't want to talk about it okay? I broke up with Eli because long distance was too hard," she asserts.

"Why'd you disappear from lunch when he called?" I ask.

"Because I didn't want to talk to Eli, I have to get to class," she says.

"Clare we have a spare next period and there's fifteen minutes left on lunch," Drew reminds her.

"Student council, I meant I had to get to student council office," she recovers.

"Are you sure you're okay? Who'd you drive off with this morning?" I ask her.

"A friend of my father's," she replies.

"To do what?" I question.

"It's none of your business Owen," she says in a sharp tone.

"You know Clare and I do have some stuff to talk about for student council, maybe we will head there," Drew says taking Clare by the arm.

"Yeah I'll come by after class," I tell them watching them walk off.

"Something's up with her," Adam comments when they are out of earshot.

"Yeah but what?" I question and Adam shrugs, "I'll see you guys later." I wave and walk off back to my car worried about Clare. I'm glad she broke up with Eli but I wish I knew what was going on with her.

**(CLARE)**

I got through the afternoon without too many more questions. Drew didn't ask me any while we were alone in student council office. We got straight down to business and he didn't bring up Eli or where I went this morning at all. Then he walked me to my environment and resource management class, a class I had with Adam, Dallas and Luke and they didn't say anything either aside from Adam telling me to talk to Eli.

"You want a ride home Clare?" Drew asks me as we leave school after this afternoon's student council meeting.

"No thanks I'm not going home," I reply.

"Then where are you going?" Dallas asks.

"Swiss Chalet, I'm meeting…my dad," she says quickly.

"Then we'll give you a ride there," Drew asserts putting an arm around my shoulders to say that I really don't have a choice.

I give in and get in his car, biting my lip and almost tempted to say I'm meeting Asher but too afraid of what he'll do, so I don't say anything.

"You want us to wait with you until your dad gets here?" Adam inquires when Drew pulls up to the restaurant.

"No it's okay he'll be here in a few minutes," I tell them opening the car door, "thanks for the ride Drew."

I wave to them and go in the restaurant, wait a minute until they've driven off and then go outside again, turning my phone back on for the first time that day since breaking up with Eli. It gives me the missed call and text sound about a dozen times, most of them are from Eli but I have few texts from Asher too although I don't read them but I do call him.

"Your phone was off, you can't keep it off," Asher tells me.

"I didn't want to get a bunch of calls from Eli, I'm at Swiss Chalet. You didn't do anything because my phone was off did you?" I ask fearing that he took retribution already because my phone was off and he couldn't get ahold of me.

"No but I'm not pleased, stay there I'll be there in ten minutes," Asher tells me.

"Okay," I say in a shaky voice afraid of what it will mean for me that he's not pleased.

Asher hangs up and I sit on a bench outside the restaurant, while waiting for Asher my phone beeps again. It's Eli sending a text but I can't bear to read it, I don't want to see any more calls or texts from Eli so I block his number. Asher pulls up and I get in his car, I'm too afraid of how he's capable of hurting my family and the people I care about that I'm not even tempted to flee.

"You're very lucky I didn't do anything when I couldn't get a hold of you Clare. You should be grateful to me for not doing anything," Asher remarks as we drive to his apartment. I don't say anything because I don't know what to say. "Well aren't you grateful Clare?" Asher inquires in a growling tone putting his hand at the back of my neck and squeezing a little.

"Yes," I reply in a trembling whisper, "yes I'm grateful."

Asher releases the back of my neck and grins; he doesn't say another word for the rest of the drive to his apartment. When I get out of the car I start shaking, from fear, disgust or just nerves I'm not sure, it could be all three. I'm shaking so much I can barely walk and Asher takes my backpack holding my arm. We enter his apartment, he drops my backpack to the floor and locks his apartment door.

"Go to the bedroom," Asher commands and I walk back to the bedroom feeling that chain again, that trapped feeling. He follows closing the bedroom door and turning on a camera he has set up on his dresser that's pointing at the bed. "Strip," he demands.

I pull in a trembling breath as tears crowd my eyes and I swallow hard, I'm trembling but I start to pull off my top when Asher takes out his cell phone. It takes a few minutes but I get all my clothes off, I'm crying now and trying to cover my body with my arms.

"Lay on the bed," Asher orders and I do curling onto one side. "On your back," he tells me.

"What are you going to do?" I ask between sobs as I roll to my back.

"Anything I want, I own you now don't forget," he grins with a vile satisfaction.

I shut my eyes tight as tears fall from them like waterfalls. Biting my lip as Asher sits on the bed, his fingertips touch my breast and a frightened whimpering squeal gets trapped in my throat. My arms clamp over my breasts trying to keep him away.

"Let them go," Asher says but I don't move, "let them go so I can play with them or I'll tie you to the bed."

Taking a deep breath I slowly move my arms, crossing my legs as my hands grip at the comforter. Grabbing it as tightly as I can, feeling his lips on my flesh I sob harder, shaking more violently, my stomach churns and bile rises in my throat. Each of his hands grabs one of my breasts and squeezes hard. I breathe deep, biting into my lip so hard I break the skin. One of Asher's hands begins caressing down my skin and I gasp audibly, my body jerking away from his touch out of instinct. His fingers try to get between my legs and I feel like I'm going to throw up! I push Asher away with enough force and desperation that he sits up and lets me bound off the bed and into his washroom.

What little I did eat today comes back up, holding my hair back I vomit a couple of times and then dry heave a few before I'm done. I sit against the wall shaking and sobbing my knees curled up to my chest and my arms around my legs. I can't move, couldn't stand to save my life but Asher gets impatient and comes into the washroom.

"If you're done then lay back on the bed," Asher commands.

"Can't," I shake my head into my knees.

"Should I make a phone call then?"

"No please…" I start looking up at him, "I'm trying," I plead.

Asher walks over and picks me up, it's revolting to be in his arms but I'm too weak and too much of wreck to move right now. He puts me back on the bed and I curl into a ball, I want to run but I can't seem to move other than to shake violently. Asher leaves me for minute and I hear him opening his closet, I feel him kneeling on the bed and he takes my arm, I resist him but he pulls my arm hard and restrains my wrist with something silky I believe to be one of his ties. Then he does the same to the other arm, I'm shaking too hard to fight back, too lost in a pit of disgust. With my wrists restrained he ties my ankles and it suddenly occurs to me that he is probably going to rape me. I start fighting against the restraints and thrashing.

"NO! Don't rape me I'll do anything," I beg after a deep breath to get the words out.

"I wouldn't rape you now, you're too much of a mess. I won't rape you at all, when we have sex you'll say yes," he tells me and all I can think is I will never agree to have sex with him. "But I'm not done playing with you yet," he says and my stomach ties in knots.

I hear him picking up the camera and he places it on the bed between my legs. Then he opens a drawer and I hear something turn on with a humming noise. Realizing it's a vibrator I begin thrashing again but it doesn't matter I'm already restrained and the next thing I feel is the rather large vibrator being shoved into me!

"OW!" I whimper.

He leaves it there a minute, I can hear faint noises but I'm in too much pain to really listen. I feel him getting on the bed and one of his hands begins moving the vibrator, I fight against it, my body responding to the stimulation and feeling disgusted all at the same time. Suddenly I realize that he's masturbating! He's jerking himself off but he has the camera pointed right between my legs at the vibrator he's using on me, thrusting in and out of me with one hand. I become overwhelmed by shame and loathing revulsion. I sink into the bed, giving in and hoping that if I don't fight it will be over faster and he'll let me go. I keep my eyes closed, trying to take myself away and out of this place, I try to think of anything else, bring up any happy memory I can but it doesn't work. I bite into my lip again and it bleeds some more, finally Asher groans and something hot, wet and thick lands on my stomach, it's his cum and I almost throw up. He sort of collapses on the bed a minute and then he gets up I hear him fixing his clothes and taking out the vibrator before he starts to untie me.

"Go clean up in the shower, and I'll take you home but I expect you here tomorrow, for your lunch and your spare. Tonight was merely an appetizer tomorrow you'll participate or I make a call to the Vancouver police and tell them that your stepbrother has drugs in his apartment. I know he smokes pot and even if he doesn't have any they'll tear apart his room and detain him for a couple of hours. But I'm betting that he will have something in his room which will mean an arrest, a record and getting booted out of school," Asher threatens.

"No leave Jake alone, I'll come," I tell him as he finishes untying me.

I get up slowly everything hurts, inside and out and I feel like I can hardly breathe. I make it to the washroom and turn on the shower, when the water is hot I step in and wash up. Seamen is rather hard to get off and I'm in the shower for a while. My clothes are on the bed and I get dressed, I can't stop crying. I grab my backpack he takes me down to his car, driving me home.

"Maybe I should sleep over, the house being dark and all," Asher taunts and I shake my head vigorously. "Well I suppose you need to rest a little, tomorrow at lunch I'll pick you up at the drug store down the street," Asher says.

I simply nod and get out of the car, as soon as I'm out I run to my front door, it takes me a couple of minutes to get the key in the lock and open the door. I lock that door and the interior door, before I collapse in tears. A sudden knock on my door scares me and I jump, tensing up. I'm afraid to open it, afraid that it's Asher that he decided to spend the night after all.

"Clare open up I know you're in there," Owen calls while knocking on the outer door.

I'm actually extremely relieved to hear his voice, pulling myself up I unlock the inner door and then the outer one. Owen puts his hands on my arms and I flinch away, he puts his hands up and steps in as I start crying harder again.

"Where have you been everyone is worried? I saw you coming in as I was driving by, Adam said he's been trying to call you for three hours," Owen tells me.

"I was…" I start but can't think of a lie and just collapse on his chest in tears.

He puts his arm around me and this time I don't pull away from his touch, in fact I find it safe and comforting. "I'll call Drew take you to their place," Owen says and I shake my head.

"No please I can't go over there, not tonight, could you just stay here with me please," I plead with him.

"Yeah of course, I still need to call so they know you're okay," he says. I nod taking a few steps into the house and he locks both doors again. I go into the dark living room sitting on the sofa and Owen gets out his phone, "Hey…yeah she's at home…upset…I'm not sure…no she doesn't want to but I'm going to stay here…yeah I'll bring her to school in the morning," Owen says and hangs up. He takes a few steps and feels around on the wall for the light flicking it on. I squint my eyes and turn away as he sits on the sofa at the other end. He looks over at me and I bite my lip breaking the scab and it starts bleeding again. Owen takes his thumb wiping away the blood, "Clare what happened tonight?"

**Update Friday March 21****st**** from right here.**


	3. Please Hear Me Calling

**So my Twitter followers did you get tonight's clue?**

**Be sure and check out chapter 2 of "I Don't Understand It" which Christlove88 will be posting tomorrow.**

**Ch.3 Please Hear Me Calling**

**(OWEN)**

"Clare what happened tonight?" I ask her and she looks away from me. "Clare you've been missing for hours, I find you rushing into your house. You break up with Eli all of a sudden which I think was actually a good idea but there didn't seem to be any reason for it, I mean this time he didn't do anything crazy to have you break up with him. Please tell me what went wrong so I can help you," I plead with her.

"You can't help," she argues.

"What do you mean I can't help? You don't know unless you tell me what's going on," I persist.

She takes a deep breath, clutching her fist like she's trying to control herself. "You can't help because there is nothing to help with," she tells me.

"Then where have you been for the last few hours?" I question.

"Walking, I was out walking I needed to clear my head after meeting with my dad," she says but she still won't look at me.

"Did you eat while you were out walking?" I query although I don't believe she was out walking.

"Not hungry," she shakes her head.

"You going to tell me what you were really doing then?" I ask.

"I already told you, do you want to stay the night or ask questions?" She snaps at me.

"Stay the night," I relent.

"Good," she says getting up and wincing slightly.

I watch her walk slowly to the kitchen for some water. She's moving slowly, like she's uncomfortable and in pain.

"Clare I'm not stupid," I comment and she looks back at me. "The way you're moving it's how a girl moves after sex, not pleasant sex. I've seen girls move like that a lot. You just broke up with Eli and you're not the type to just go out and sleep with another guy so where were you and what happened?"

"I suppose you're so familiar with it because you've caused it?" She barks back at me grabbing a water bottle from the fridge. The words didn't hurt so much but the venom in them and that she thinks so little of me that I would do something like that.

"No, Anya wasn't a virgin when I lost my virginity to her and I've never caused it. But I have seen plenty of girls come out of the ravine van and move like that," I tell her.

"I'm fine," she insists coming back to the sofa and sitting down slowly.

"Then why are you moving like that and where were you tonight?" I ask her again.

"Owen I already told you," she counters.

"And I don't believe you," I shoot back.

"I didn't have sex," she sighs.

"Then…"

"I didn't have sex and I'm not telling you any more than that," she says firmly she's near tears again so I let it go…for now.

"So where am I sleeping then?" I ask her.

"You can take Jake's room," she tells me getting up and I follow her upstairs.

She goes into the washroom and I go into Jake's room waiting for her to get out. I wasn't prepared to stay the night so I have no tooth brush or anything. I lie in Jake's bed for a while and wonder what is going with Clare and then I hear her thrashing and screaming in her bed. I jump up running into her room fearing that she's being attacked to find that she's only having a nightmare. I sit on the bed and start shaking her lightly.

"No get away, leave me alone," she cries in her sleep.

"Clare wake up it's just a bad dream," I tell her. She suddenly bolts up, panting and sniffling in some tears. "You want to tell me what happened tonight now? And don't tell me nothing, you were just having a nightmare and telling someone to leave you alone. I saw the way you were moving tonight, did someone rape you?" I ask.

"No I wasn't raped…exactly," she says slowly.

"Then what exactly did happen?"

"He…I…I didn't have a choice, he'll hurt people, people I love if I don't, he's already proven he can," she tells me.

"You mean you're being blackmailed into being some kind of sex slave?!"

"Something like that," she replies.

"By who?"

"I can't tell you that," she responds.

"Clare y…" I start but she cuts me off.

"Owen I can't tell you, he's already proven he can hurt people I care about. He's already done it, I won't let him hurt anyone else," she says sharply.

"You're being blackmailed into being a sex slave we have to go to the cops Clare," I assert.

"No there is no we there is only me and I can't go to the police! They will never believe me and I have no proof, they'll think I'm crazy and accuse me of harassing him," she says.

"Clare that's crazy why would they accuse you of harassment?" I question.

"See even you think I sound crazy. I can't go to the cops, I can't do anything about it or he'll hurt all the people I care about. He's already done it; I can't let everyone else get hurt to save me. Let's just go back to sleep, we both have school in the morning," she says firmly.

"Ok we'll go back to sleep," I give in and start getting off her bed but she grabs my arm and I look back at her.

"Could you sleep in here?" She asks.

"Yeah sure," I reply and she moves down the covers so I can get in.

She rolls on her side and has her back to me so I roll on my side with my back to her. It takes her a while but I finally hear her fall asleep. Once she's asleep I fall asleep and wake up to her alarm the next morning.

"My first class isn't until ten I'll take you to school," I tell Clare.

She doesn't say anything simply gets out of bed. She grabs some clothes from the closet and goes into the washroom. I return to Jake's room to get dressed and use the washroom when she's done. I force her to eat something for breakfast and then drive her to school.

**(CLARE)**

"You going to be okay?" Owen asks when he pulls up to DeGrassi.

"I'll be fine, I know what I'm doing," I reply.

"I don't think you do, if you knew what you were doing then you would have gone to the cops right away," Owen argues.

"Owen you don't know anything about the situation, I can't go to the cops I told you," I snap back at him when my car door is opened and I jump.

"Everything okay?" Drew asks standing there with Dallas and Adam.

"Not sure, I'll be over tonight, keep an eye on her," Owen tells them.

"We will," Adam says as I get out of Owen's car.

"Where were you last night?" Drew asks as the four of us start walking into school.

"I went for a walk," I reply.

"For three hours?" Adam questions.

"I was upset Adam I needed to clear my head," I snap back.

The subject is dropped after this but only because I'm sure none of the boys want to be snapped at. I'm moving better than I was yesterday but Dallas at least notices how I'm walking. Figures he'd know what a girl in pain looks like, he doesn't say anything though. They stay with me all morning, even walking Adam and me to studies in literature first period. Adam and I have second period together too and I know he has a million questions on his mind but he refrains from asking them, for the time being anyway. We go to our lockers at lunch and I get a text from Asher, it's a URL. Whatever it is I don't want Adam to see it.

"I have to use the washroom, I'll meet you outside," I tell him.

"Okay," he nods.

Rather than going to the washroom I go to the storage room and click on the URL, it takes me to a video and several pictures on Eli's facerange. Pictures and a video of Eli at some party making out, and a little more, with not one but two girls! The pictures and video get as far as the girls tops coming off, Eli's already lost his shirt and I'm sure there's more that the video and pictures aren't showing. We've only been broken up for 24 hours, I know I broke up with him but it was under duress and the first thing he does is go fuck anything that moves! My fist clenches, angry hurt tears sting at my eyes. I call Asher back because calling Eli would hurt too much right now.

"Why would you show me that?!" I question angrily when he picks up.

"Simply showing you that he never loved you, he's already gotten over you, he never cared Clare. You sacrificed so much for him and the first thing he does when you break up with him isn't sulk but go out and party. That he'll go out and be with anything in a skirt with a pulse, although with him they may not need a pulse. I can send him the first video if you'd like, show him that you don't need him either," Asher offers, he sounds like he's doing a good thing for me but I know he's not.

"No I don't ever want to see or speak to Eli ever again," I respond out of hurt and anger.

"I expect you over after your student council meeting," Asher tells me.

"Are you going to insist on every day?"

"Of course," Asher responds.

"I still hurt after yesterday," I reply.

"Not my concern, if you're not at my house by five I promise you'll regret it," Asher says and then he hangs up.

I don't know whether to scream or to cry, I want to disappear that would solve everything. Asher couldn't blackmail me, it wouldn't matter what Eli did, Adam and the others wouldn't be worrying about me. I realize suddenly I don't mean disappear I mean die, no matter how far I run, how well I disappear I'll still worry about Asher hurting my family, worry what Eli is doing and Adam, Drew, Dallas, Owen and my other friends would still worry. The only way to keep them all from worrying, the only way for me to not worry is to be dead. I don't want to die but I wish this wasn't happening it's slowly breaking me, fracturing me into tiny little pieces that may never go back together. I'm stuck and I know Owen means well but I can't go to the cops, it would ruin me, ruin my family, even if Asher somehow got in trouble or his life ruined a little more it would ruin me more, my life, my families lives, would all fall to pieces. Sacrificing myself to save everyone is worth it, I can't save my sanity, my body, my life to send them all to ruin.

Knowing Adam is waiting for me I finally leave the storage room and go outside, Adam's at a picnic table with Drew, Becky, Luke, Jenna and Connor. I forgot to get to lunch but I'm not all that hungry, there's also nowhere for me to sit down.

"Took you a while, where's your lunch?" Adam asks.

"I forgot to get some," I respond.

"I'll share and you can sit on my lap," Luke offers then Becky and Dallas hit his arms at the same time.

"You can take my spot Clare, there's plenty of food," Drew offers getting up and he sits on the end of the table.

I sit in Drew's spot next to Adam, Jenna hands me a bag of baby carrots and I start snacking on them. Everyone else is talking about the welcome back dance Friday night while I just listen, nod and say sure at the appropriate times. After lunch everyone but Dallas and Becky have chemistry and we all walk there together. After Chemistry I have a spare and so does Drew so we go to the student council office.

"Hey are you okay?" Drew asks.

"I'm fine Drew," I reply.

"Yeah you look fine, I saw Eli's facerange page you want to talk about it?" He offers.

"No I broke up with him he can do what he wants," I respond but my tongue is sharp and I know Drew feels it.

He doesn't press however and we spend the rest of our spare on dance business, by the time the others join us for the meeting we have everything set for the dance. I don't want the meeting to end because I know when it does I have to go to Asher. The meeting runs over an hour and when we're done I let Drew drop me off at home, I half expect for Owen to be there, a large part of me wishes he was there but he's not. I go in and set down my backpack and there's a knock on my door, but it's not Owen it's Asher.

"It's not five yet," I tell him.

"I know but I figured you'd need a ride soon, and possibly more," Asher tells me stepping in.

"What do you m…" I start but my phone rings, it's Mom who has barely checked in since she left with Glen so I answer. "Hi Mo…"

"How could you Clare?!" Mom snaps before I even finish my greeting.

"What are you talking about?" I inquire.

"I saw the video Clare; you were having sex with some guy, or close to it! You had sex with Eli but at least you were in a relationship with him, now you've cheated on him and you're fucking some other guy," Mom says with deep venom in her voice, her anger and absolute disappointment sting at me through the phone. I look at Asher; the only way Mom could have gotten that video is if he sent it! Asher grins at me as Mom continues her tirade. "I want you out Clare, by the time we return home you had better be gone, I'll tell Glen and Jake you went to live with your father. I will not tolerate this kind of behavior under my roof, your sister turned into a tramp as well, I'm sure your father's long time affair caused it but I will not allow it to go on under my roof!" And then she hangs up.

"How could you send her the video? It's not even five I was on my way to you," I vociferate with a desperate and agonized tone.

"Just thought she should know what you've been up to, she would have found out sooner or later when you kept disappearing, coming to my house. So what did she say?" Asher questions in a calm voice.

"She kicked me out! She wants me gone by the time they return," I respond sinking against the back of the sofa. Not that I'm necessarily surprised that she turned on me without hearing my side. Mom hardly ever listens; even when she does she usually has some other agenda. Mom's never defended or stood up for me or Darcy, oddly I think my sister would be helpful in this situation but she's in Africa somewhere and we only hear from her about once a year.

"You can always move in with me," Asher comments.

"You must be joking! Move in with you? I'm already at your beck and call more than I like there is no way in hell I'm moving in with you that is not part of our deal. I'll find somewhere else to live," I spit at him.

"Well then let's go, you still have to fulfill me for today, unless of course you'd rather do it here?" Asher comments.

"No, your place, but I'm going to pack a bag, I don't want to sleep here," I tell him.

"Hurry, I'm dying to feel you," Asher says, his voice dropping into lust and I shiver in loathing repulsion.

I run upstairs quickly packing a bag with everything I'll need for several days. Returning downstairs I grab my backpack and follow Asher out to his car. The sound of the door closing is a terrible noise; I shudder because I know what I'm being taken to. Asher parks and I follow him in, setting my stuff down by the door.

"To the bedroom and undress," Asher commands as he locks the front door. "Shall I have your mom fired? I wouldn't blame you for being angry after she kicked you out, a little revenge on mommy dearest would be understandable," Asher grins getting out his phone.

Despite my mother's jumping to conclusions and her inability for compassion I could never do that to her. My mother can't help who she is and getting her fired would hurt more than just Mom. Anyway there's always the hope that Mom will come around and let me move back in, or that Glen will figure it out and talk some sense into her. Besides it's not in my nature to seek revenge like that. I know Mom loves me in her own way and her own capacity.

"No don't have her fired I'll do what you want, leave everyone else alone that's the deal isn't it?"

I walk back to his bedroom and set down my stuff before I take of my clothing. Sitting on the bed I pull the blanket over me and then Asher comes in.

"Why are you covering up?" He asks.

"It's cold," is the only response I can think of.

"You'll warm up soon enough, I want to see your breasts and I bought some new toys to use," Asher informs me.

Bile rises in my throat at this thought, what terrible thing does he have planned now?

**(OWEN)**

I couldn't stop thinking of Clare all day, more specifically of what trouble she could have gotten into. I went back to my dorm and started on my homework until I was sure the others were done with student council and would be home. Even though it was more out of my way than going to directly to Drew's I head to Clare's first, but the house is silent, no one answers when I ring the bell and when I check around the house I see no one at home. It occurs to me that I probably should have gotten Clare's number but if she's not here then the most likely place for her to be is at Drew's place. So back in my car and I make the short drive to the Torres house.

"Where's Clare?" I ask upon entering the basement and not seeing her, Drew, Dallas and Adam were all doing their homework and look up at me when I come in.

"Hi Owen, good to see you too," Adam replies in a snarky tone.

"Hey everyone where's Clare?" I reply quickly.

"We dropped her at home," Drew tells me.

"Well she's not there I just came from her house," I tell them.

"I'll call her," Adam says grabbing his phone from the table. "She's not answering," he tells us setting his phone down.

"So she's disappeared again," Drew remarks.

"Yeah I have an idea where she's gone, sort of," I tell them.

"What do you mean sort of?" Adam questions.

"You know I was over there last night, she talked to me a little. She was evasive and at first wouldn't talk to me at all but I noticed how she was moving," I start to tell them.

"Yeah I noticed that too, this morning she was moving slow and uncomfortable, the way a girl moves after a lot sex or sex for the first time," Dallas comments and the brothers look at him.

"Clare lost her virginity at prom to Eli," Adam speaks up.

"Yeah I know, everyone does," I remark rolling my eyes.

"Wait, Eli was in New York and she'd only broken up with him that morning so who was she having sex with?" Drew asks.

"That's what I want to know but I don't think it was consensual," I tell them.

"Are you telling us she was raped?" Adam questions, his voice getting small with anxiety at the thought.

"No not exactly, she told me she didn't have sex but something did happen. What I could get from her was that she's being blackmailed by someone into being some kind of sex slave," I inform them.

"WHAT?!" Dallas, Drew and Adam all exclaim at once.

"She wouldn't tell me who and she wouldn't talk about it," I tell them.

"Clare wouldn't do such a thing," Drew argues.

"She let Fitz threaten her into going with him to Vegas Night," I point out as I sit down on the sofa.

"Yeah because she was keeping him from beating up me and Eli," Adam comments.

"I'd wager she's doing something similar this time, she said whoever it was could hurt the people she cares about that he already has," I inform them.

"Eli," Adam says suddenly.

"You think Eli is blackmailing her?" Drew questions.

"No I think Eli was hurt by whoever it was, he was kicked out NYU and lost his placement in the dorms briefly yesterday morning. I think whoever this is somehow managed to get Eli displaced and kicked out and then reinstated, he showed Clare he could hurt Eli and Clare was willing to sacrifice herself to save Eli," Adam explains.

"Sounds like Clare," Drew nods.

"Great so who's blackmailing her, with what and who else could he hurt?" I ponder out loud.

Adam tries to call her again but there's no answer, so they get back to their homework and I get out mine. When my stomach growls Drew tells me there's leftover dinner and I go upstairs to make a plate.

"Hello Owen, when did you get here?" Audra questions, she's watching TV on the sofa with Omar.

"A little while ago, just came to do some homework, I was hoping Clare would be here," I admit and Audra gives me a curious look. "Uh Drew said there were leftovers?" I ask when Audra seems to be trying to read my mind.

"Yes Dear in the fridge, help yourself," Audra says.

"We ought to just run a hostel and charge them, they're always over here anyway," Omar comments as I start getting food out of the fridge.

"I like having all the kids here and so do you," Audra says elbowing her husband lightly.

"Of course I do Honey but we seem to get more and more each day," Omar replies earning him another elbow from Audra.

I make a plate and go back downstairs, sitting on the sofa and resuming my homework, at least until the basement door opens again and Clare walks in with her backpack and a suitcase. We all look at her for a couple of seconds until she closes the basement door and then we all fire off questions at the same second.

"Where have you been?" I question.

"Who's blackmailing you?" Drew asks.

"Are you being forced to be a sex slave?" Adam inquires.

"Why do you have a suitcase?" Dallas queries.

Clare sets down her suitcase and bites her lip, pinching her eyebrows together as she seems to be sorting out our questions.

"Mom kicked me out, I need somewhere to stay," she says apparently answering Dallas' question first.

"You can stay here, for tonight anyway we'll have to check with mom about you staying any longer but I'm sure Mom and Dad will let you. Do you want my room again?" Adam inquires and Clare nods. "I'll go tell Mom," Adam says he reaches for her suitcase that she's still holding and she flinches. She looks at Adam, looking in his eyes and she finally releases her suitcase to him.

Adam takes her suitcase upstairs and the three of us look at her, she's not on the brink of tears or anything but she's sort of blank. Like she's been turned off and she's not quite here.

"Let me take your backpack Clare," Drew offers before reaching for it.

She still flinches slightly but she lets him take it and he sets it down. I hold my hand out to her and she takes it, I guide her to the sofa and she sits, whimpering slightly as she does. I look at Drew and Dallas, we all have a million questions but she doesn't look in any condition to answer them just yet.

"Clare what's wrong? What happened?" Dallas questions.

She curls her legs on the sofa, leans her head against my chest and turns into me. I put my arm around her as I wonder what happened to her tonight and I'm determined to not let her near whoever is doing this again.

**Update Friday April 25****th**** from about here in Clare pov and I think the next chapter will be the last for this one.**


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